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email: info@wllovillage.org
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Note: This is a long newsletter, click the link at the very top that says, 'View this email in your browser'. Enjoy reading what's new and newsworthy with WLLO!
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This month's articles
(click on the title link to jump directly to the article):
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Lessons for 70 and beyond
It’s not so ‘terribly strange to be 70’
I turned 70 today, a young age for an older person to be, but it is the oldest I have ever been by a long shot. It has been well over six decades since I learned in arithmetic how to carry the one, and the rest has sped by like microfiche.
One big juicy, messy, hard, joyful, quiet life. That’s what my 70 years have bequeathed me.
In my teens, already drinking and drugging, I didn’t expect to see 21, and at 21, out of control, I didn’t expect to see 30. At 30, I had published three books but, as a sober friend put it, was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.
Then at 32, I got clean and sober, the miracle of my life from which all other blessings flow. My son was born three years later. The apple fell close to the tree: My son went off the rails, too. He and his partner had a baby at 19, which had not been in my specific plans for him, but you know the old line: If you want to make God laugh, tell Her your plans.
The baby, soon to get his learner’s permit, turned out to be the gift of a lifetime. My son got clean and sober 13 years ago, and the three of us grew up together. Then after a long search, I met this brilliant, kind writer guy and, three days after I started getting Social Security, I married him. Yesterday, I published my 20th book, called “Somehow.” Today, when I woke up, I was 70. Seventy!
I think that I am only 57, but the paperwork does not back this up. I don’t feel old, because your inside self doesn’t age. When younger people ask me when I graduated from high school and I say 1971, there’s a moment’s pause, as if this is inconceivable and I might as well have said 20 B.C. That’s when I feel my age. But I smile winsomely because, while I would like to have their skin, hearing, vision, memory, balance, stamina and focus, I would not go back even one year.
My older friends and I know a thing or two.
In general, though, I know how little I know. This is a big relief.
I know that my lifelong belief, that to be beyond reproach offers shelter and protection, is a lie. Shelter is an inside job, protection an illusion. We are as vulnerable as kittens. Love fends off the worst of it.
I know now that everyone is screwed up to some degree, and that everyone screws up. Phew. I thought for decades it was just me, that all of you had been issued owner’s manuals in second grade, the day I was home with measles. We are all figuring it out as we go. Aging is grad school.
I know a very little bit about God, or goodness, or good orderly direction. I am a believer, but I don’t trouble myself about ultimate reality, the triune nature of the deity or who shot the Holy Ghost. I say help a lot, and thanks, and are You kidding me??? Have You been drinking again, Friend?
I know about something I will call cloak hope, most obvious to me in the people who swooped in and helped me get sober in 1986, and swooped down again in 2012 for my child. In my case, an elderly sober woman named Ruby saw me in my utter, trembly hopelessness — afraid, smelly and arrogant; she swept in and took me under her wing. She wrapped her cloak around me and was the counternarrative to all I believed at 32, i.e., that I needed to figure things out, especially myself, and who to blame.
I know the beauty of shadows. Shadows show us how life can gleam in contrast. Sunshine might be dancing outside the window, but the wonder is in the variegation, with fat white clouds bunched up on the right casting shadows on the hills and gardens, and brushstrokes of gray clouds on the left and — most magical — the long narrow shawl of fog right across the top of the ridge. The day is saying, Who knows how the weather will morph, but meanwhile so much is possible. And that is life asserting itself.
I know life will assert itself. Knowing this means I have a shot at some measure of pliability, like a willow tree that is maybe having an iffy day.
I know everything is in flux, that all things will turn into other things. I am uncomfortable with this but less so than in younger years. Michael Pollan wrote, “Look into a flower, and what do you see? Into the very heart of nature’s double nature — that is, the contending energies of creation and dissolution, the spiring toward complex form and the tidal pull away from it.” So I don’t sweat feeling a little disoriented some days.
I have grown mostly unafraid of my own death, except late at night when I head to WebMD and learn that my symptoms are probably cancer.
I know and am constantly aware of how much we have all lost and are in danger of losing — I am not going to name names — and am awash with gratitude for lovely, funny things that are still here and still work.
I know how to let go now, mostly, although it is not a lovely Hallmark process, and when well-wishers from my spiritual community exhort me to let go and let God, I want to Taser them. But I know that when I finally tell a best friend of my thistly stuckness, the telling is the beginning of release. You have to learn to let go. Otherwise, you get dragged, or you become George Costanza’s father pounding the table and shouting, “Serenity now!”
I know that people and pets I adore will keep dying, and it will never be okay, and then it will, sort of, mostly. I know the cycle is life, death, new life, and I think this is a bad system, but it is the one currently in place.
I know I will space out and screw up right and left as I head out on this book tour, say things I wish I could take back, forget things, sometimes onstage, and lose things. I just will.
I recently went to Costa Rica, where my husband was giving a spiritual retreat, and I forgot my pants. My pants! And last month, I went to give a talk at a theater two states away and forgot to bring any makeup. I am quite pale, almost light blue in some places — think of someone from “Game of Thrones” with a head cold — and ghostly under bright lights. When I discovered this omission, I was wearing only tinted moisturizer, powder on my nose and light pink lip gloss.
I gave myself an inspiring pep talk on my inner beauty, the light within. And then I had a moment of clarity: I asked the person driving me to the venue to stop at CVS, where I bought blush and a lipstick that was accidentally brighter and glossier than I usually wear. I looked fabulous. Age is just a number when you still know how to shine. And I shone.
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Anne Lamott
Anne Lamott is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Hallelujah Anyway; Help, Thanks, Wow; Small Victories; Stitches; Some Assembly Required; Grace (Eventually); Plan B; Traveling Mercies; Bird by Bird; and Operating Instructions. She is also the author of seven novels, including Imperfect Birds and Rosie. A past recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship and an inductee to the California Hall of Fame, she lives in Northern California.
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The Friendship Advice Experts Swear By
Finding friendship and maintaining connections in adulthood is hard. Here’s where to start:
By Catherine Pearson
When it comes to friendship in the United States, the outlook is pretty darn bleak. Around one in six Americans say they feel lonely or isolated from those around them all or most of the time. In 1990, just 3 percent of Americans said they had no close friends. Three decades later, 12 percent said the same.
It’s understandable. Making new friends in adulthood is hard. “Third places” where people go to hang out and connect are disappearing. The pandemic caused a lot of friends to fall out of touch..
Still, people who study and facilitate friendships for a living believe that with effort — and a bit of strategy — it’s possible to foster the kind of strong, invigorating platonic bonds that so many of us crave.
We asked several of them for the go-to friendship boosters they lean on in their own lives. Here’s what they recommended.
Practice ‘aggressive’ friendship.
The hardest part of adult friendship is, arguably, simply finding time to hang out. So it is often the case that one person needs to take the initiative — consistently, and without apology or embarrassment, said Richard Reeves, president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, a think tank, and author of “Of Boys and Men.”
He has one good friend who practices what that friend has called “aggressive friendship.” He calls, texts and arranges plans — and he doesn’t worry about being a bit of a nag, Dr. Reeves said.
Liv Schreiber, founder of Camp Social, an adult summer camp for women, echoed this idea. “My mantra is, ‘Don’t wait, initiate,’” she said. She typically wraps up friend dates by asking them to take out their calendars and get another plan on the books.
Another simple way to practice aggressive friendship? Whenever you find yourself thinking of a friend, call them, said Jaimie Krems, director of the UCLA Center for Friendship Research. She does this even if she only has five minutes, and even if it feels totally out of the blue.
“Instead of thinking, ‘Oh, I should call them’ and putting it on my to-do list, I just do it,” Dr. Krems said.
Tailor your plans.
Most of us are more likely to prioritize friendship — and actually follow through on plans to connect — when spending time together feels fun or restorative, the experts said. And that looks different for everyone. So Danielle Bayard Jackson, a friendship coach, periodically sends an email survey to around a dozen friends asking them about how they would prefer to interact.
Some of the questions are open-ended and practical, like: When are you typically available to spend time together? Others are deeper, like: What are you celebrating in your life right now?
She also asks what they’d prefer to do together: Grab a glass of wine? Do something adventurous? Spend time with kids in tow?
The exercise might not work for everyone — and it’s not advice she usually gives her clients — but she has found data gathering helps keep her friendships humming along.
Whether you choose to survey your friends or not, thinking carefully about how you spend time with them is a good idea. Dr. Reeves noted that men, in particular, can really benefit from doing activities “shoulder-to-shoulder” with friends, as opposed to face-to-face.
Activities and institutions can offer structure and scaffolding for male friendship, he said. Dr. Reeves noted, for instance, that he has several male friends who volunteer to coach their children’s sports teams — it’s a way to give back, but also a means of maintaining connection with other parents who are helping out.
“We’re not really going fishing. We’re not really doing a road trip. We’re not really playing golf,” he said. “What we’re really doing is investing and engaging in our friendships. But we need the wrapper.”
Be a little bit needy.
It may feel uncomfortable sometimes, but asking for help can be a real boon to connection, Dr. Krems said.
“We think that asking our friends for help will burden them. That is completely untrue,” she said. “Think about how joyous we’d feel if our friend asked us for help and we were able to do it.”
It could be anything from personal recommendations (a doctor? A favorite book?) to practical support.
Kim Evensen, founder of Brothers, a nonprofit focused on male friendship, admitted that the boys and men he works with sometimes balk at the advice to be more vulnerable with their buddies. But he encourages them to ask: Are any of my friends carrying burdens — or navigating life experiences — they haven’t felt comfortable telling me about?
“I realized that if I want to have friendships that make me healthier and stronger as a man,” he said, “I need to set a different standard than what the culture around me sets as the standard.”
Fit friendship into your existing routines.
A big advantage that children have over adults is that their friends are deeply integrated into their daily lives through school and extracurriculars, said Eileen Kennedy-Moore, a psychologist in Princeton, N.J., and author of “Kid Confidence: Help Your Child Make Friends, Build Resilience, and Develop Real Self-Esteem.”
That consistent contact is a crucial ingredient for friendship, she said.
So instead of waiting for “the magical moment” to connect with friends, Dr. Kennedy-Moore looks for ways to weave friendship into her established plans. That might involve asking a friend to tag along for school pickup or a class at the gym.
“A friend once called me at, like, 8 at night and said, ‘I’m going to Target, how about I pick you up in 10 minutes?’” she said. “And it was lovely.”
Ms. Schreiber is also creative about how she prioritizes her platonic bonds, cautioning that “one of the fastest ways friendships die in adulthood is waiting for a full-on production.” So she regularly walks one of her best friends to work. It is often a highlight of her week, she said.
Join up — the right way.
“We often hear the advice, ‘Just join a club!’” said Janice M. McCabe, an associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College and the author of the book “Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends.”
Sometimes that works, she said, and sometimes it doesn’t.
Dr. McCabe’s research has found people are much more likely to make friends if they join a club that is related to an identity shift.
That’s why a group for new moms is a particularly powerful one, because the other people in that setting also are undergoing that transition, she said. “It’s finding the right timing and place in those settings.”
Maria Avgitidis, a New York-based matchmaker and the author of “Ask a Matchmaker,” has found that looking around your own community is a great starting point. She noted that her local Jewish Community Center has weekly cooking classes she encourages clients to attend, because then they are seeing the same 10 or so people regularly — “and one of them is going to become a friend who invites you to the barbecue.”
Prepare to be an engaged friend.
Many people have the idea that friends should just fall into easy, fluid conversation with each other — and, of course, that is sometimes the case, Dr. McCabe said. But she believes spending a bit of time planning what she might talk about with friends has improved the quality of her hangouts, and ultimately strengthened her connections.
Before you see or speak to a friend, Dr. McCabe said, consider: Is there something in particular you want to discuss? Is there something your friend said in your last conversation that you want to be sure to follow up on this time?
Ms. Jackson said she has an index card taped up in her office with a list of friends with whom she wants to spend time or check in. It is a simple but effective reminder to be a committed friend, she said.
When she sees the name of someone on the list and finds herself thinking: “Oh yeah, she’s a good friend. I really like her,” she asks herself: “What am I doing about it?”
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A GREAT PARTY!
WLLO Villages Annual Meeting and Celebration
Thanks to all who attended our annual celebration and meeting. It was great to see you! Special thanks to our member and volunteer Susan Rohrbacher for organizing the event, and to her team of volunteers!
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NO GUILT BOOK CLUB’S NEXT MEETING IS
TUESDAY, MAY 12 AT 10:30 AM
I n April, we discussed the Lake Oswego Reads book Tilt by Emma Pattee.
Join us in May! Ellen Steel will be hosting and we will discuss A Prayer for Owen Meany.
Our upcoming reading list is:
May - A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
June - Life After Life by Kate Atkinson
July - The Exiles by Christina Baker Kline
August - The Killings at Badger's Drift by Caroline Graham
Sept - Mother Mary Comes to Me by Arundhati Roy
Oct - My Friends by Fredrik Backman
Nov - The Correspondent by Virginia Evans
Return to Table of Contents
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Ideas for you
Wednesdays in Willamette Summer Market
Don't miss the annual Wednesdays in Willamette Summer Street Market, running May 13 to September 9, from 4-8 PM each week.
Explore Historic Willamette in West Linn, Oregon, while supporting local artisans, farmers, and musicians. Enjoy tasty eats and treats from the local community and beyond.
Find fresh produce and organic foods, artisan foods, and one-of-a-kind handmade goods at the annual Wednesdays in Willamette Summer Market on Historic Willamette Main Street. Local artisans, as well as Cideries, Wineries, Distilleries, and Mixed Cocktail vendors, make the Summer Street Market one of the region's most interesting and dynamic markets!
If you have children between the ages of 5 and 12, be sure to sign them up at the Information Booth for the Power of Produce Program. They will receive tokens in the amount of $2 with which to purchase produce, honey, or produce plants.
The 2026 Market is being held along Willamette Falls Drive between 12th and 15th Streets.
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2026 Asian American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander Heritage Month Celebration
Sunday, May 17, 2026 - 12:00pm to 3:00pm
Celebrate the rich cultures and traditions of Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander communities at Lake Oswego’s AANHPI Heritage Month Celebration! On Sunday, May 17 from 12 to 3 p.m. for an afternoon in Millennium Park filled with connection, community, and discovery.
Explore a lively marketplace featuring AANHPI-owned businesses, artisans, food vendors, and local nonprofits. From unique handcrafted goods to delicious food, there’s something for everyone to enjoy. Be sure to catch the main program from 1 to 3 p.m., featuring the dynamic Tahitian rhythms and storytelling of Anavai O Te Ora, along with an exciting dragon and lion dance performance by the White Lotus Foundation. More performers to come!
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2026 Memorial Day
Monday, May 25, 2026 - 11:00am to 12:00pm
Join the City of Lake Oswego and the Lake Oswego Veterans Memorial ( https://loveteransmemorial.org/) at the memorial in Foothills Park for a meaningful Memorial Day to honor and remember the brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in service to our country.
The program will be emceed by Officer Bryan Sheldon, a United States Marine Corps veteran and Lake Oswego Police Officer, guiding us through a morning of reflection and tribute. The ceremony will feature the Presentation of Colors by the Lake Oswego Honor Guard, followed by the National Anthem.
We are honored to welcome Colonel Mary Mayer, United States Air Force, as our keynote speaker. Colonel Mayer brings decades of distinguished military leadership and service, offering a powerful perspective on the history and significance of Memorial Day.
At 11:11 a.m., attendees will witness a special flyover by the West Coast Ravens. The program will also include patriotic musical selections performed by Maeve Stier, the dedication of a memorial wreath, a traditional 21-gun salute, and the playing of TAPS.
This commemorative event offers an opportunity for our community to come together in gratitude, reflection, and remembrance.
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Return to Table of Contents
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TERRY'S EARTH FRIENDLY TIPS
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Ok folks, here’s the third and final installment of our articles on emergency preparedness. Or, what do I do when the SHTF? Or in gentler terms, when the “caca hits the air conditioner.”\
Sustainability, Resilience and Survival
The words “sustainability” and “resilience” are used ad nauseam these days, to the point where it borders on greenwashing, especially related to corporate advertising and marketing. But the words carry great significance when we’re talking about emergency preparedness. The word “survival”, on the other hand, needs no definition.
So, if survival is our goal, then how does sustainability and resilience enter the scene? I would imagine that none of us in the WLLO organization are on survival mode. That is reserved for the almost 10% of the world’s population, who live in extreme poverty and struggle to meet the basic needs of life.
When we speak of survival in our extended community, we are referring to how we manage to stay alive when faced with an emergency or disaster. And when bad things happen, that’s when resilience and sustainability enter the scene. So, let’s clarify those terms before we look at how we increase our chance of survival when the SHTF.
Sustainability
Meeting the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs. This general definition was published by the United Nations in 1987, and although other definitions have arisen since then, it is still used. Keep in mind that any level of existence can be sustainable. It’s just that many of those levels may not be that attractive to us.
 Whether we realize it or not, most of us work to sustain the level and way of life we are currently living. And that level of sustainability is supported by three pillars. Environmental, social and economic. The highest level of sustainability exists when the three pillars are strong and viable. Our level of sustainability is compromised when one or more of the pillars are damaged or weakened.
Our level of sustainability is lowered when the pillars are damaged. When that happens, we must learn to work with altered systems and lower expectations of those systems. We can sustain our existence but on a different level.
So be suspect when you see or hear the word sustainability bandied about, because we know that any level of existence can be sustained. Even survival mode is sustainable, given enough resilience.
Resilience
The ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, or significant stress, allowing individuals to "bounce back" from difficult experiences and recover to a positive state. The more you are trained and prepared, the more resilient you will be. For example, the more training you have in first aid or CPR, the better you will be able to handle an emergency requiring those skills. Which means you have greater resilience in times of such need.
Our ability to bounce back from trauma or stress is based on our current level of knowledge, training and preparedness. If we are ill-prepared in a time of duress, be it an emergency or disaster, then our level of resilience is also low. And that means our level of sustainability is far lower than it once was.
Therefore, the more prepared we are, the more plans we make, the more training we have, the greater our level of resilience. And finally, the more organized and prepared our neighborhood is, we all are more resilient and we can maintain a higher level of sustainability than if we went it alone.
Community Organizing
Previous articles here have discussed levels of preparedness in our homes for short-term emergencies, and how we can prepare for longer emergencies with the use of the Be 2 Weeks Ready program. But the best insurance against a disaster or major emergency is to be informed, organized and prepared on a neighborhood and community basis. And excellent guidelines for that are found in the Map Your Neighborhood program.
This program assumes that you have already implemented some basic home and family emergency preparedness, and stockpiled some food and supplies. The Map Your Neighborhood program provides you with detailed guidelines and plans for organizing your neighborhood to deal with the aftereffects of a disaster. It gives clear instructions for establishing a program in your neighborhood, such as identifying homes to include and family members in those homes.
The plan enables you to record the needs and skills of family members, and create an inventory of tools and equipment that each family in your neighborhood has. It instructs you in how to establish several different groups that have specific tasks to perform when a disaster strikes.
The guidelines are structured to enable you to get to know your neighbors on a deeper level than just “hello how are you?” So “mapping your neighborhood” means creating more than just a map. It expands that to create a database of your neighborhood, and how to tap into that data in a planned and organized way when an emergency strikes.
About Those Neighbors
When we have little to no knowledge of a thing, concept or person, we may have a tendency to fear it. And many of us have had neighbors who we did not know, and who may have had beliefs and interests that we did not share. In that case, since we did not know them, and were apprehensive, we may have had a tendency to fear them. And fear is often a result of a lack of knowledge or familiarity.
But knowledge and understanding can reduce and even eliminate fear and apprehension. But should we get to know that neighbor who doesn’t share our beliefs, it’s most likely that your fear may turn into respect. And getting to know those who do not share our beliefs usually starts with finding common ground. And what better a common ground than survival.
That is at the core of the Map Your Neighborhood program. Getting to know your neighbors by coming together and organizing around the common ground of resilience, sustainability and yes, survival. It has happened in our neighborhood, and it can happen in yours.
And Now…
So do yourself a favor after you’ve finished reading the book Tilt, and familiarize yourself with the Map Your Neighborhood program. Then invite a few neighbors to discuss the program and see how it can be used in your community. Why? Because when a disaster strikes, we may not be able to rely on first responders to help us. And the utilities we rely on may not function for an extended period of time. And if that happens, what do we do? We must rely on our friends and neighbors. And if your neighborhood is prepared, your resilience is stronger, as are your chances of survival.
Looking Ahead
Next month I’ll bare my soul regarding recycling fanaticism, and share some of my anal-retentive tendencies around recycling details. You will be amazed!
NOTE
Speaking of recycling, please check out the revised pickup schedule below. Our next pickup is May 12, and every other month afterwards.
ITEMS FOR OUR NEXT RECYCLING COLLECTION
May 12 is our next pickup day. We’ll spirit away those hazardous materials that are dealt with at the Metro South Hazardous Waste site in Oregon City. See below.
WLLO RECYCLING COLLECTION SCHEDULE
Remember, we pick up plastic film, (no crinkly plastic film), and all clean clear #1 PET and PETE plastics. Please, no black or colored #1 plastic.
If you have a question about something you want to recycle, and it’s something your WLLO Recycle Team picks up, please contact the appropriate recipient given below. Their list of items they accept change regularly. Thanks for your help.
PLEASE REMEMBER: We can no longer accept #6 PS or Styrofoam plastics.
May 12: Cleaners, pesticides, chemicals, light bulbs, smoke alarms, paint, batteries and other hazardous materials. Metro South Hazardous Waste site reclaims and recycles.
https://www.oregonmetro.gov/tools-living/garbage-and-recycling/garbage-recycling-hazardous-waste-disposal-oregon-city
July 14: Electronics and everything with a power cord. PLEASE: NO LIGHT BULBS OR SMOKE DETECTORS! But LED light bulbs are ok! Free Geek rehabilitates and recycles this stuff. Please wrap up cords and cables and secure with a twist tie or rubber band.
https://www.freegeek.org/take-action/donate-technology
September 8: Furniture, linens, dishes (no chips or cracks or alcohol-themed items), kitchen utensils, mattresses/box springs, small appliances (in working condition), decorative items and artwork, rugs etc. Items are donated to the Community Warehouse. https://www.communitywarehouse.org/give-furniture/
November 10: Building materials, tools, plumbing and lighting fixtures, fasteners etc. The Rebuilding Center breathes new life into these items. https://www.rebuildingcenter.org/donations
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WLLO & Villages Events
Check out our calendar on our website homepage. It's easier to read, you can change how information is displayed and the calendar is also printable.
- Also be sure to check your Week-At-A-Glance email. Members and Volunteers receive Week-At-A-Glance emails every Sunday with detailed information for the upcoming week.
- Summary of Regularly Scheduled Events:
- Ted Talk Discussion Group - Monday 11:00 AM
- Book Club 2nd Tuesday at 10:30
- Brisk Walk Wednesdays at 9:00 AM
- Chat and Stroll Wednesdays at 10:00 AM
- 2nd Thursday of the month - Happy Hour in person at 4 PM
- The 3rd and Last Friday - Coffee in person at 10:00 AM or 2:00 PM
- One Friday of each month - Coffee Hour on Zoom at 9:00 AM. Watch Week at a Glance for date.
- For registration, calendar questions, or log-in help, contact the WLLO office (503-308-8223). To get log in details to specific events, email info@WLLOvillage.org. (Many events are for members and volunteers only.)
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